When I was driving back from work on Thursday, I heard on the radio that Michael Jackson was in a coma. I could feel healing light flowing towards him. On another channel, I heard one of his songs, followed by another and another.
I rediscovered Michael Jackson on the day that he died. His music, that I had so enjoyed in childhood, laid dormant in my life as I switched first to songs for babies and then children as they grew. By the time they had grown, I had begun to hear other music.
When I reached home, my son came out of the house and said, with an undefinable look in his eyes :"Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett have died."
Sad. Deep sadness.
For one day, several thoughts and feelings raced as I heard his songs and saw many of his song videos for the first time, playing on BET. The irony did not escape me, that his videos came to my life as he departed his.
I felt I needed to write something, but there were too many mixed thoughts whirling around to get a clear idea of what words could emerge. I've learned through healing, not to get swept away by the feelings passing through as many are picked up empathically from those around us. The more we expand, the more the thoughts that we pick up, and if we can stay away from ego separateness, we know that not all thoughts are "my thoughts". But this is an alive process, as I kept getting swayed and coming back to center.
As usual, clarity came as I drove, this time to my exercise class. You have to write about Michael as you experienced him. Not as you heard about him, but as you yourself experienced him.
So, getting grounded, I thought:
"What was Michael to me? How did I experience one who was alive but I saw and heard only on waves of air? Who I heard of, from those who've personally met him and whose assessment I trust? About whom I heard much that upset me, but which was not something I knew of personally? When there's this and that, isn't it best for me to stay in the center, sending light to accusing and accused but not playing into a drama that I can do nothing about?"
And it dawned on me:
For me, Michael is as alive now, as he was when he walked on earth.
For me, Michael is more accessible now as I am more aware of him than when he was alive. I don't think I would have actually seen him as I am doing now: laughing, singing, playing to the audience, doing strange things, showing his vulnerability and pain, being spontaneous and then realizing when he's going too far, singing, leaping, dancing, swirling, moving in unimaginable ways.
And I am really sad that he has passed away, because it seemed that he was sad, he was on the verge of a concert tour in which I could perhaps have seen him, that he was trying to provide for his children and doubtless many others who depended on him, and it was not possible.
Perhaps his life was an unfinished symphony and he is Gone Too Soon [
video]
Or perhaps he gave all his messages, this Michael whom we're remembering in
The Power of Light group and doubtless many venues around the world, we can rise with him and see the symphony that he so passionately brought to us, and marshall the energy of our tears, deep feelings, confusion, mixed emotions, and inner knowing into a symphony of hope, to heal the world in which we are still living.
Perhaps he died so we could see him as the truth of what he was. If we can see it, he lives as he always did, but no longer hiding the light under a bushel.
I look around me, and see the
pillars of light that surround me, as I had seen in the equinox ceremony in March.
And as the tears flowed today, I dedicated them to healing the world as Michael and others sought to do:
May the waters flowing as tears begin to heal the world as his songs sought to do, with gentleness and controlled passion.
May eyes cleared by tears begin to see those who stood by him, who supported and loved him, and who are now caring for his children
May the suppressed anger, grief, guilt that arises around his life, be turned to daily acts of loving kindness
In that moment that dawns when it is time.
Let the moment not be gone too soon.