Change yourself, they said
For I cannot see your light
Don't feel your love or your caring
Can only see your might

Don't speak! they said
Just listen to my cry
For my needs drum in my ears
And your words distract

Be different, they said
For you are hiding what you feel
You do not show what you are
And your actions surprise

So I changed and I changed
turning and turning
Their anger and their fear
Made me go deeper within

And when I went within
I found that it was light
The light within shone clear
Their eyes were dimmed in fear

They could not see their light
So they struck out in fright
Distraught, confused, in fear
Not going deeper within

Buffeted by ocean waves
I dove into the depths
Whipped by winds of rage
Turned to the still within

From within the ocean depths arose a fountain of such might
That some who saw it, cried --no! That's too much light!
Stay at the ocean waves, don't leave the chaos just yet
For we need you, but we do not see your light

Namaste, said the soft voice
I see the light within you
Light within me reaches the ilght within you
And bathes the chaos in bliss

As a child, I loved raw fruit. The opportunity to bite into a freshly plucked grown but hard guava vied for favor with the crisp sweetness of the ripening fruit. A 'ripe' guava - no, I could not eat it. Too soft  for me.

When you bite into a fully grown unripe fruit, your biting draws out its juice and its sweetness. It doesn't just yield its flavor, but keeps it ready for the strength of your jaws, the sharpness of your teeth.

I was content to do the same with relationships. It wouldn't be easy. Words would be misunderstood, intentions misconstrued, contemplative silence perceived as a threat. So I rose to the surface of the ocean. I spoke, I communicated, I learned some of the ways of the world, made friends, went for lunches.

The silence of the deep ocean calls to me again.

I wonder if aging teeth will convince the tongue to be satisfied with the easy sweetness of ripe guava.




Perhaps if I call it amrood, as my mother first called it when she described how she likes only raw fruit. She grew up in gardens with fruit trees, and which child can wait for fruit to ripen before eating it?

1) Do you talk to your own "heart" (conscience, inner voice, true self)?

We speak. On occasion when we're silent, we are in communion.


2) Name one thing that helps clear your mind and heart.

Breathing in ight, breathing out light


3) Pick three words that describe how you feel when in sync with your heart.

Joyful, knowing, clear

4) Do you think you have strong intuition?
(a simple yes or no is okay, or elaborate as you like ;)

Yes

5) Do you feel peaceful while cleanimg dishes like Santiago in the book, or annoyed or just wet?

Peaceful, inspired, expanded. And when Whiskers jumps up the ledge outside to look in, and taps at the window wonderingly, trying to grasp this concept of clear glass, we travere time and space to a civilization long ago, when we were together perhaps and he was sacred...or perhaps, I think, as his head follows the movements of my hands - he is learning how to wash dishes for his next lifetime,as a human!



No wonder I love washing dishes. It's so...grounding!!! LOL!!!!

[inspired by  Friday Five of the True Heart  Posted on Oct 30th, 2009 by Gaia Team]

  

Being alive, we inflict hurt without awareness
Being emotional, we feel hurt in many ways
Being social, we learn ways of showing  in public
Being loving, we know that hurt HURTS
Being intelligent, we know the processes of hurt and its removal
Being empathic, we feel the hurt of some or all
Being spiritual, we transcend hurt feelings
Being healers we transmute the hurt
Being still, we are aware of the hurt and what is within and around it
Being human, we have the choice of all of these.


[inspired by the discussion Open Windows. How do I handle my hurt feelings - 2 ]

I got some facts from my father who's visiting us :

Dada, is it Hardwar or Haridwar?

Both, he said - it can be called etiher Hardwar or Haridwar. Har after Lord Shiva and Hari is Lord Vishnu. But it is more appropriate to call it Haridwar, because it is on the path to Badrinath, which is the abode of Lord Vishnu.

And what about Dehradun?

That is about 3,000 feet above sea level. It is on the foothills.

And Rishikesh....even higher.

And Kulu Manali?


So now I am reminded of my journeys to the Himalayas. For indians they're not just mountains, they're places where rishi- munis live; the sages who are sometimes even more revered than the Gods; the ones who are in samadhi, deep meditation, in constant awareness of what is happening in the world and worlds.

There is that inner journey in which I have visited the HImalayas and felt the sages who live there, yearned even in childhood to be around the miracle of their living, and then there are the travels in childhood.

So for now: Haridwar.

There is an old family photo of three sisters: there is the oldest holding her littlest sister in her lap, almost bent over with her weight, as she was but three years younger, and the middle one on the side. In those days, when we posed for pictures, we would fan out our frocks. I seem to remember doing that.... Of course, it's a black and white photo.

Even then the marvel of the Ganga flowing swiftly by, was a huge draw. We stayed in a rest-house on its bank, and played in its icy waters each morning. The current is so swift, but my father said that in childhood they'd swim on it.

When I was first told that Christ walked on water, I pictured him walking on the Ganga at Haridwar.

I don't remember much more than the fresh breeze that I feel still, and that refreshes me.

We were told that the Ganga has pure water that can never be polluted. Human beings habitation and industries on the banks have put that myth to rest. But in our hearts, the Ganga too is not just a river; it is a symbol of purity that flows within.

I remember my great-grandfather, the huge bear-like man who was the kindest, gentlest grown-up I knew, who accompanied us. And Naniji, great-grandmother, the wisest person I have ever met- smallest in height, a delight to children, and largest in influence, a source of continuing wisdom. 

And the blessed presence of my dearest parents, who are visiting us now.

In the way that space and time come together, we are all together here - accompanying Swamiji as he makes his way back to his beloved mountains, with Nanaji and Nanima who are now revered ancestors, with my childhood self , always serious, whose hand I hold, and whom I embrace lovingly - ah yes, there is now a smile on the face.

And all my friends on Gaia, whose presence has caused this one to smile, and be sustained and happy --are there with me.

Thank you all.

I've been having physical health issues, and naturally they're related to re-balancing in all the other energy centers:  emotions, personal will, heart connection, communication, intuition and always, those connections in oneness at the indescribable dimensions.

I've come to realize it's not an issue of causation as it is an issue of awareness. When I'm aware at the intuitive level, I am aware of what is about to happen, and of the choices I'm making, or not, at that time....

 It's not about the illness; for it is known that before an illness appears, the healing energies are present in our aura. So, I had seen it. 

It's not about 'me', because our boundaries are not as rigid as we imagine, and healing, being about wholeness, involves all who are near and dear to us.

Anyway, what's it all to do with the healing party? I wasn't  sending out for healing and  seeing why in that area as well, when suddenly in one of my healing groups, a call was sent out for another. As we got together, there was a miraculous event, and so I sent out mine.

Shall I ask another, she asked me, "the more the merrier"

That really hit me! Nicely.

We celebrate birthdays in physical and cyber space, and room launches- over at the 50+stars group today - and weddings and I've even heard of divorce parties.

So - why not a healing party? Why not be merry? For the healing started with the asking. Actually, before it.

So- we celebrate. And I'm going on a drive with my husband to pick up my mother from my sister's place..

And that's healing in itself.

Who have I compassion for

Those who are weak or those who are strong
or both?

The weakness you express or the strength you display
or both?

Your sadness hiding your joy, or your joy that hides the sadness
or both?

For you, for me or for them?
or all?


Where there is compassion for all, is it possible to be just strong or just weak
or both?

When I express compassion, do I seek to strengthen the weak, weaken the strong
or both?
or neither, accepting as is?

Before the world began, the gods and demons fought for the nectar of priceless value.

It was amrit.


Churning the primeval ocean, they helped it to rise, and it and it was given to the gods by divine will.

As the ocean churns today, what are we seeking to uncover? What is the nectar that will emerge?

 

[Excerpted from Chasing Humans, a novel being uncovered during the churning of NaNoWriMo]